Wherefore art thou, Manuel?

Oh Manny, how could it come to this?

You've been one of the Red Sox's crown jewels for near 8 years now. Yes there have been innumerable accounts of your man-child antics, but your perpetual .900+ OPS and 150+ OPS+ have always been enough to excuse your brain-farts in the field and your temper-tantrums off of it. That is until, seemingly, now.

While people have decried your deplorable range, I have always espoused your ability to play balls off the Monster with prescient foresight and the merits of your quick release when throwing towards the infield.

When journalists have cited you as a reticent clubhouse presence, I have held that you get payed to play, not talk to journalists. As an added note, I can't blame you. I've been a journalist, and I've spent considerable time with my peers, time enough to know that we WILL misquote you, we WILL take you out of context, and that we WILL ask you the same 4 boring questions every night without fail.

Fans have railed against your apparent desire to take games off. I can understand where they're coming from: you get payed $20 million to play a game most of us have lovingly played for free at some point, and your team needs you. I do have a response to that. Stadiums create lots of jobs, and not just for the 25 men who run around in goofy uniforms 180+ nights a year. Hundreds of people work directly for the team and the concessions company, and thousands more benefit from the teams presence. Without the millionaire players the guys pouring your beer selling you mini-bats and foam fingers, the ushers, and the scores of people across the region who make their living selling Red Sox merchandise would be in dire straits. If a 16 year veteran of 2050 games with a history of knee problems, who is a vital part of the most beloved sports team in America would like a night off, I can understand.

Yet, this time it cannot be. You presume too much, Manuel Aristides Onelcida Ramirez. You've attacked the management before, but not with this much publicity. Actually, you've gone past metaphor and into actuality: you actually ATTACKED management, as well as your fellow players. Earlier this year a similar incident occur ed when Astros pitcher Shawn Chacon beat up on his GM, Ed Wade. Now, I know a superstar, future Hall-of-Famer pushing a traveling secretary and a crappy middle-reliever pushing a GM are slightly different, but they shouldn't be. Shawn Chacon was cut instantly, as you should have been. I cringe at my own cowardice and admit that I would hesitate at such an action, at the very least we would lose a valuable asset while receiving nothing in return. This is troubling, my friend. I know you're uncomfortable playing as a lame duck, what with the Red Sox delaying the decision to pick up you $20 million club-option for '09, but you're not helping your case.

As I'm typing this, your team flounders about on the field against the Angels. They're running circles around your team. Los Angeles has long been labeled "pesky" and "bothersome" and "irritating" due to their speed and daring on the basepaths. Well, they're about as irritating as a school of deadly pirhanas: VERY. Your Red Sox have committed 3 errors in the 6th inning alone, 4 for the game. They've thrown the ball into center, they've let high flies fall in, and they've looked listless, zombie-like. Even Josh Beckett, King Badass of Toughmotherfuckeria, looks resigned.

This all seems so familiar... It brings to mind 2004, when the team's play was sputtering as a star player sulked and pouted about a lack of a contract. It was so long ago that the haze of time has clouded his name from my memory. Yoma? Lamar? Noma... That it, NOMAR!!! Oh I remember Nomar Garciaparra (Nomahhhh to the locals). Things have worked out really well for him since he was run out of town on a rail.

All said, I doubt there is very much that can be done to repair your relationship with the team. Us fans will probably always have a soft spot for you in our hearts, but at this point I would not be upset if you were to don another teams colors. I would instead feel bittersweet relief; not relief to see you gone, but relief to see the team better. Again, I doubt it's possible to replace your offensive production through a trade but, while intangible (a dirty word to many educated readers), chemistry must count for something, right? I would feel relief for YOU, Manuel. To see you in a happier place, even if that place is not with me, would placate my troubled heart.

And so as you fly out to deep left-center, I realize that it could have been your last at-bat as a Red Sock.

If it is, our paths will certainly cross again, but it will be different. We will all be wizened by the ravages of time. In that case I say bring on the 24 year-old slugging wunderkind Jeremy Hermida, or established and underrated star Jason Bay, or whoever else may come, and for you, my precious left-fielder, I wish nothing but the best.

But if you aren't gone, then I pray that you can find it within your heart to forgive the Red Sox, and put up fucking MONSTER numbers so that they HAVE to pick up your options. I want you here, Manny, I really do, but if it cannot be, then who am I to fight fate.

Love,
Sox

Where have you been, Mister?

Well, it's been more than a week since either of us posted anything Baseball related, and we really have no excuse.

That's a lie, we have plenty. I've been consumed by the beginning of Patriots training camp, as evidenced by part of of my roster preview. That article alone has consumed hours of my life. I've also been a little busy personally: dealing with car trouble, taking care of college paperwork, and going for long walks on the beach. Rox, meanwhile, has been in Alaska for the past 6 weeks, and he was spirited off into the wilderness for a surprise fishing trip.

That said, there's going to be more baseball content, and probably more football content, coming soon. Thanks for the patience.

New England Patriots Season Preview Part 1: The Offense

I know the name of the blog implies a focus on baseball, but Rox and I both love football like a fat kid loves cake, so I'll be bringing you a series highlighting the Patriots' team and the road they'll have to travel to get to Superbowl XLIII. I'll be breaking the players down by position, doing my best to identify who'll make the roster, and what their roles will be. Without further ado, your 2008-2009 New England Patriots.

Notes: I'll be making reckless predictions on who's making the team, and what their season stats will look like. We'll definitely check back during and after the season to see how I stack up.

OFFENSE

Quarterback

This is probably the easiest position to figure out. Tom Brady, if he remains healthy (knock on wood), is in line for another season as one of the elite signalcallers in the game. He picks apart defenses, throws the screen, short, medium, long, and bomb passes with ease, plays through pain, and handles the rush well, despite his 6'4", 225 lb frame. Last year he posted one of the best statistical seasons in the history of the game.

That said, if he gets hurt the Pats are in some seriously hot water. The 3 back-ups have thrown a total of 40 NFL passes between them. Matt Cassel is in his 4th year out of USC, and has yet to see any real playing time. He moves around pretty well, but he makes poor choices and doesn't throw a consistent ball. Matt Gutierrez signed as a rookie free-agent last year and filled the role of 3rd-stringer after Vinny Testaverde was released. There's really not much to say about him; he has NFL size (6'4", 230 lbs) and a strong arm, but he's never seen much playing time, even in preseason.

The intriguing player here is Kevin O'Connell, the third-round draft choice out of San Diego State University. He has big time measurables at 6'5", 230 lbs, a 31 inch vertical jump, and a 4.61 40 yard dash (very respectable for a QB), and he's known as a smart player and reliable leader (he was elected a team captain 4 times). He turned down a scholarship at Colorado to play at SDSU, and basically did it all for the Aztecs. He finished his 4 years and 40 games with 9,001 yards of total offense, 7,689 of it passing, with 46 passing and 19 rushing touchdowns. He's most definitely a project, but the Patriots made him the 5th QB chosen for a reason. I'm willing to wager they're going to groom him with the possibility of being Brady's eventual replacement.

Expectations
It's hard to expect Brady to duplicate last years record-breaking air show, but something like 4,140 yards, 37 TD's, and 18 picks at around a 62.8% rate seems like the most likely outcome to me.

Sleepers
Not a lot to work with here but, long-term, I like Kevin O'Connell's chances of being a productive player.

Under-The-Radar Contributor
Um, maybe in Week 17 we'll see O'Connell throw a couple of passes while Brady rests up for the playoffs.

Worrisome Thoughts
Please, please, please, please, PLEASE stay healthy Tommy.

Depth Chart
*Tom Brady
Matt Cassel
Kevin O'Connell
Matt Gutierrez

The Pats are highly unlikely to carry four QB's. Gutierrez gets the cut, being the middle child: not enough experience to help out, and not enough promise to justify keeping.

Key: Italics = rookie, *asterisk = starter, strikethrough = cut

Bottom Line
Brady is one of the best in the game, and with his track record of staying healthy, we shouldn't have to face the ugly chance of playing a greenhorn back up.

Grade
A+

Running Back

Again, not a tough position to hash out, mostly since there aren't many players in the mix. Under Belichick, the Patriots have always spread the carries out a little bit. He loves to play the match-up game, and isn't afraid to give a back-up the ball if he thinks it'll prove more productive. With the way running backs get beat up, many NFL teams are going to the "RB by committee" approach, and I think the Patriots are moving in that direction as well.

Halfback
In the Patriots system versatility is the key. Backs have to be able to run the ball both with and without lead blockers out of any number of different sets, catch the ball consistently, and pass block effectively.

Laurence Maroney is the unquestioned starter. He's a phenomenal athlete with game-breaking speed, and he runs with a bruising style similar to his college backfield-mate at Minnesota, Marion Barber III. The only real detractions from his game are his durability (only 360 carries in 2 seasons), his undistinguished blocking, and his occasional tendency to dance behind the line, waiting for the perfect hole to open. A lot of critics will call his receiving ability into question, but I'm of the mind that he simply hasn't had the chance to exhibit them (26 receptions in 2 years, for an impressive 11.9 YPC average)

Sammy Morris is the quintessential back-up, the thunder to Maroney's lightning. Morris runs with a upright, aggressive, slashing style that lends itself to between the tackles and short yardage situations. He's an effective blocker and a capable receiver. Kevin Faulk is the consummate 3rd-down back: quick, agile, an excellent receiver, and solid pass blocker. He runs well out of the shotgun, and Belichick will often use him to give a different look to the defense. BenJarvus Green-Ellis is an undrafted rookie who's more of a bruiser, breaking tackles and grinding out yardage, without a lot of speed.

UPDATE: As of 8/26/08, the Patriots have signed RB LaMont Jordan, late of the Raiders. Jordan is a powerful, straight-ahead runner, and a capable receiver.

Fullback
Heath Evans was a mid-season pick-up in 2005, and he's rapidly become a crucial part of the Patriots offense. He's a punishing run blocker, an effective pass blocker, a reliable pass catcher, and he can even tote the rock every once in a while. Kyle Eckel is a decent backup. Although he's probably a better pure rusher than Evans, he's not as good a receiver, and he pales in comparison in the blocking game. They both play well on special teams, Evans moreso.

Expectations
Even though they're one of the best passing teams in the league, working largely out of spread sets, New England has historically been a play-action team and I think it fits well with what Belichick likes to do. I think you could see Big Bill mix it up more this season and run the ball much more, hopefully taking some of the heat off of Brady and controlling the clock more effectively. They've been incorporating zone-blocking into their offense, which is a better fit for their smaller, faster, more athletic offensive-line. All of that could spell out a big year for Maroney. I'd say 1,245 yards and 8 touchdowns. Morris probably chips in with 350 or so with 2 or 3 touchdowns, and Faulk will probably grab a few carries here and there, and post 320 yards receiving or so, with 2 or 3 scores of his own.

Sleepers
In a position bereft of sheer numbers I'll go with BenJarvus Green-Ellis, if only because I love the four-names-for-the-price-of-two bargain.

Under-The-Radar Contributor
As always, Kevin Faulk will do all the little things that don't always show up in the box-score.

Worrisome Thoughts
I'm not a huge Kyle Eckel fan; he's got some character concerns and he's never been consistently effective in any aspect of the game. I think he'll make the roster, but I'd rather see Green-Ellis get a shot.

Depth Chart

Updated 8/26/08

HB
*Laurence Maroney
Sammy Morris
Kevin Faulk
LaMont Jordan
BenJarvus Green-Ellis

FB
*Heath Evans
Kyle Eckel

The signing of LaMont Jordan appears to herald the end of Kyle Eckel's time in a Patriot uniform. Green-Ellis still provides injury insurance and a different look, making him a prime candidate for the Practice Squad.

Key: Italics = rookie, *asterisk = starter, strikethrough = cut

Bottom Line
This is a varied and experienced unit that'll answer the call, no matter what it is.

Grade
B+

Wide Receiver

This is certainly a position of strength for the Patriots. Okay, so that's an understatement. Randy Moss is the one of, if not THE, best in the game; combining size, speed, route-running, and incredible hands to give Tom Brady the All-Pro receiver he always deserved. He was knocked for taking plays off in Oakland, but I'd counter by saying that, in that situation, you would too, raise you the fact that he's been a consummate teammate and professional here in New England. Hell, he's even made strides when it comes to blocking. The best part is, he was had for a 4th round draft pick.

Wes Welker may have cost the Patriots more than Randy Moss (a 2nd and a 7th round pick), but he proved to be completely worth it. Playing mostly out of the slot he grew into Brady's possession receiver, tallying 112 receptions to tie with T.J. Houshmandzadeh for the league lead. Late in the season, things got kind of ridiculous; the Pats would just put the ball in his hands and dare defenses to stop him. He has good top-end speed, elite agility, and a stable of moves that would put even the most skilled of Madden players to shame. He's best put to use as an inside receiver where he can avoid getting jammed at the line and go to work in traffic.

After those two, though, the picture starts to get a little bit muddy. There's no clear-cut choice for the other starting outside spot. Jabar Gaffney would appear to have the inside track, having started 7 games last year, and while he offers a steady presence and good route-running, he doesn't have a lot of upside. Third year pro Chad Jackson is a dark-horse option for the job. He's missed most of his first two years with injuries, and rumors of trouble learning the playbook, but there's no denying he has the pure physical talents to be a productive player. He was almost universally rated one of the top 3 receivers in the 2006 draft. At 6'1", 213 lbs he still runs a 4.32 40-yard dash and posts a 38.5 inch vertical jump. If he can stay on the field, he could have a break-out year playing across from Moss.

While he almost certainly won't start, Kelley Washington could see more time, especially as a goal-line option (he stands 6'3"). Where he really shines is on special teams, where he racked up 11 tackles and 5 assists, along with a blocked kick.

Rookie Matthew Slater is an interesting case. He was a 5th round pick but he's a phenomenal athlete, just one without a real position. At UCLA he played wide receiver, cornerback, safety, gunner, and kick returner. New England's coaching staff values versatility very highly, so he probably makes the team on that merit alone. He's listed as a receiver on the roster, but he'll likely contribute the most on special teams, at least for now.

Robert Ortiz, Sam Aiken, C.J. Jones, and Chris Dunlap round out the corps as the warm-body-just-happy-to-be-here-types. Aiken is a decent special teams player, and the rest have pulses, supposedly. That's about it for them.

Expectations
This unit has the potential to be the best in the league, depending on how the depth situation shakes out. I think there's nowhere for Moss to go but down, through no fault of his own. He's bound to regress a bit from last years record-setting performance, and Brady prefers to spread the ball out, but that said, his favorite receiver is the open receiver. I'd say Moss checks in with 1,380 yards and 16 TD's, while Welker grabs 107 catches or so, for 1,140 yards and 6 scores. After that, I'd put Gaffney down for 620 or so with 4 scores, and Jackson in the mix with 850 yards and 3 touchdowns. Washington and Slater will likely shine on special teams, and get into the game only in 5-wide sets or during garbage time.

Sleepers
I think Chad Jackson is going to take the Quantum Leap this year and go from afterthought to productive player. I mean, he has the ability and he'll be playing across from Randy Moss, which alone should make his life infinitely easier.

Under-The-Radar Contributor
It's hard to call Wes "The Great White Hope" Welker underrated, but he really is the mortar of the Patriots offense. Whenever they face a 3rd-and-7 or a 4th-and-3 you can count on Brady looking his way. He so rarely drops a pass that announcers usually speak in absolutes, and he's a smart player who gets the most out of his already ample abilities.

Worrisome Thoughts
There are possible depth concerns past Moss and Welker. If Jackson doesn't step up, Gaffney regresses, or if there are ANY injuries, the Pats could face a slightly sticky situation.

Depth Chart
*Randy Moss
*Chad Jackson
Wes Welker
Jabar Gaffney
Kelley Washington
Matthew Slater
Sam Aiken
Robert Ortiz
C.J. Jones
Chris Dunlap

Key: Italics = rookie, *asterisk = starter, strikethrough = cut

Bottom Line
A veteran group that looks poised to put up elite numbers. If a few variables turn their way, the Pats could be looking at one of the best units in the league for years to come.

Grade
A

Tight End

Two seasons ago in 2006-2007, it was the year of the tight end. Ben Watson was the second-leading receiver on the team and the team spent down after down in 2-and-3 tight sets. There was a time when it seemed like Belichick and Pioli would pick up one or two in every draft. Last year, with the rise of the spread offense, coupled with the departure of long-time contributor Daniel Graham and injury to rising star David Thomas, it was a down year for tight ends in New England.

There was a time when critics and fans alike saw Ben Watson as a rising star, the heir apparent to Ben Coates and one of the new generations of game-changing tight ends. While there's no denying his athletic talents, most can agree that the ceiling may have been set a bit high for him. He can stretch the field with his speed, and he has the strength to fight for position in man-to-man coverage, but it appears as if he has trouble adjusting to zone coverage, and his hands are suspect. He can be frustratingly inconsistent, dropping seemingly easy catches, then turning around and making a highlight reel grab, and no matter what he does, he's a liability in the blocking game. At his best he's an elite player, too fast for most linebackers and too strong for most defensive backs. At his worst, he's a clumsy route-bungler. Hopefully he can find some consistency and show the steady growth he did in his first 3 seasons.

David Thomas is the heir apparent to the back-up spot. Although not as athletically gifted, the 3rd year player has steadier hands, and while he's not an incredible blocker, he's better than Ben "The Matador" Watson. With some more playing time, he could turn the corner this year and end up being a pretty good player.

Free-agent signing Marcus Pollard has had a nice career playing with Indy, Detroit, and Seattle, but at 36 he's nearing the end of the line. I know Bill Belichick loves veterans, but according to first hand reports, Pollard has appear positively calcified in team activities this year. I think Pollard will either be cut, hang it up, or both. The other two guys in the mix, Stephen Spach and rookie Jonathan Stupar aren't particularly accomplished. Spach is a good blocker, while Stupar has shown some promise down field and isn't a slouch when it comes to blocking, either. If either of them want to make the roster, they'll have to show something on special teams as well.

That said, this is another position at which the Patriots like to have players of differing skill sets to fit various situations. Belichick loves to utilize tight ends, whether it be as blockers, decoys, or targets. Maybe another year I could see him keeping 4 tights, but not with the spread style offense he's moved towards.

Expectations
This unit will probably produce as much as it's allowed, but there aren't likely to be as many opportunities as in past seasons.

Sleepers
With his talent, Watson's always a bet for a break-out year, but I'll go with David Thomas here. If he progresses his blocking skills to go with his offensive ability, he could start to steal some real time from Big Ben.

Under-The-Radar Contributor
Aren't they all? If Spach makes the roster, his blocking could be key in short-yardage/goal-line situations. If it's Stupar, with time, he could grow into a solid all-around player.

Worrisome Thoughts
Again, not a lot of depth here, but it's not critical to have a top-end unit to be productive.

Depth Chart
*Ben Watson
David Thomas
Stephen Spach
Jonathan Stupar
Marcus Pollard

I don't think Pollard has enough left in the tank to contribute, and with Spach vs. Stupar there's no winning.

Key: Italics = rookie, *asterisk = starter, strikethrough = cut

Bottom Line
A good offensive unit, but a bit short in the blocking department. Watson is a bit injury prone, and he's not getting any younger. It'd be conducive to success to start figuring out how to get production out of the unit without him.

Grade
B-

Offensive Line

This group was last seen lying on their backs on the turf during the Super Bowl, contemplating their future employment plans. While they may have been outplayed in the most important game of their lives, they performed admirably up until that point. I suspect they'll bounce back, as a unit and continue their rise as one of the best lines in the league.

That said, there will be some changes this year. As previously mentioned, New England has been working a lot of zone blocking into their offense. Zone blocking works about like it sounds. Each lineman is in charge of the area ahead of him and between himself and the next lineman towards to play side. For example, on a zone run to the right, the center would be responsible for blocking players ahead of him and in between the himself and the right guard.

The object of this scheme is to avoid getting fooled by twists and stunts by the D-linemen and more effectively handle the blitz. It calls for faster, more athletic line who can get out and block linebackers, as well as move over and assist on a double-team. There are no specific holes called on running plays, rather the running back follows behind the line and runs to daylight, taking whatever hole opens. Due to the mobile nature of the front, cutback lanes are a crucial to zone blocking. As the play drifts to the left or right, defensive players are often left away from the play, consumed in the scrum of players, or break their assignments. When this happens, it can create lots of room to run on the backside of a play. While the optimum zone scheme rusher is a one-cut-and-go style runner, it helps if they have the vision and agility to capitalize on the defenses mistakes. While I doubt the Patriots will go to an exclusively zone blocking offense, a la Rox's precious Denver Broncos, it could go a long way towards alleviating some of the pressure on Tom Brady, by forcing defenses to respect the run.

Tackle
Matt Light is the All-Pro left-tackle charged with protecting Tom Brady's blind side. He's known as a finesse player, since he doesn't possess tremendous raw strength, rather relying on his mobility and intelligence. He handles speed rushers like the Colts Dwight Freeney and Aaron Schobel of the Bills, whereas power rushers like the Vikings Jared Allen and the Redskins Jason Taylor can give him trouble. He's never dominant, but always solid, and largely consistent. As a run blocker, he truly shines. He's fast enough to get to the outside on screen passes and outside runs, and plays well in space.

On the right side, the starting picture isn't so clear. Nick Kaczur has started 35 games in his first three years, including 15 last year, but after being caught with 202 oxycontin he could be on the outs with the Patriots, who hold their players to a high standard of character. He a solid pass blocker, and when it comes to run blocking he's good, although he's more of an inline player, and if he makes the team he'll play well.

Ryan O'Callaghan is another option. The 3rd year pro out of Cal started 6 games his rookie year, with Kaczur moving over to the left side to fill in for the injured light. He's not the protypical Patriots lineman in the least. He stands 6'7" and 330 lbs, whereas Kaczur and Light are both 6'4" and around 310. He's not as mobile as New England would prefer in pass blocking, but he's a bruising run blocker capable of delivering a Mack-truck style blow. He's such a good run blocker, the team often brought him in as a tight-end in short yardage situations last year.

Further muddying the picture are veteran free agents Oliver Ross and Anthony Clement. Clement started every game at tackle for the Jets over the past two years, and is built in the larger mold (6'8" 320 lbs), whereas Oliver Ross is more of a tackle/guard tweener, back-up type although at 6'4", 327 lbs he can certainly has the size the Patriots look for. Clement is, in my mind, a lock to make the roster, and a candidate to start if Kaczur gets the axe.

Wesley Britt is a 3rd year pro out of Alabama who's played in 14 games over the past two seasons for the Pats. He's a decent back-up, and he knows the system. Rounding out the tackles is Lavdrim Bauta, an undrafted rookie out of Villanova. There's almsot no way he makes the team, but he's 6'5" 285, so he has room to grow and could be a developmental prospect if he makes it onto the Practice Squad.

Guard
The starters at guard are a lot clearer. The Patriots surprised most everyone by taking Logan Mankins with the last pick of the first round in 2005, but he's payed immense dividends. At 6'4" 310, he posses incredible strength for a guard and he plays with an absolutely frightening mean streak. He made his first Pro-Bowl last year, was selected as a second team All-Pro, and most informed observers will tell you he's just getting started. He's a road-grader in the run game, and a bulldog in pass protection, and he grows the best mountain man beard on the team.

While his teammate on the left side may get more press, his counterpart on the right has an equally interesting story. He never played football at Cal State-Bakersfield, instead focusing on wrestling, where he compiled a sparkling 151-10 record, capturing NCAA titles in his Junior and Senior years (he also finished 4th as a Freshman and 2nd as a Sophomore). After he narrowly missed making the 2000 Olympics team, he retired from amateur wrestling. He was signed by the Patriots before the 2001 season, and was cut in training camp, later being resigned during the season. He missed most of 2002 and all of 2003 with a shoulder injury he suffered against Green Bay while fighting for a fumble most players thought was a dropped pass, but in 2004 he grabbed the starting job and he hasn't looked back.

At 6'5", 315 lbs he's very mobile, even for a guard. He acquits himself well in pass coverage, but he's at his best in the run game. He is prone to holding penalties, but that's understandable given his history in wrestling. He missed 8 regular season games due to injury last year, but even more importantly, he went down in the second quarter of the Super Bowl with a knee injury. The Patriots are notoriously secretive concerning their injured players, but it did require surgery, and the stockpiling of veteran players could indicate a more serious situation than we can see on the surface.

The back-up situation at guard is quite good. Russ Hochstein is the primary back-up at both guard spots, as well as at center. He's fully capable of starting, but the Patriots use him as a sort of super-sub, rotating through those three spots whenever there are injuries or someone needs a spell. Billy Yates has been in the system for a few years, and run-blocks well enough but struggles in pass protection. I mentioned Oliver Ross under tackles since he'd played there in the past, but he's listed at both guard spots on the official depth-chart. Third year pro Dan Connelly was on the practice squad last year, and he grew up in Missouri, so he's probably unfailingly polite.

Center
Dan Koppen is as steady as they come at center. He's slightly undersized for a lineman, at 6'2" 296 lbs, but centers have been trending smaller in recent years anyway. He enters this season coming off of his first Pro Bowl and the honor of being named 2nd team All Pro. Koppen is a terrific run blocker, with the ability to go deep and take out linebackers, as well as the strength to deal with the ever growing nose tackles lined up over him. In pass protection, he not only offers terrific blocking skill, but calls all of the line audibles as well.

Ross Hochstein, as mentioned above, is a starting quality guy who acts as the primary pinch-hitter at the three inside spots. Gene Mruczkowski is a capable back-up, and he can slide down to guard in a pinch. Ryan Wendell and Jimmy Martin are both fringe guys. Martin has spent time with the Chargers and the Vikings, never cracking the roster, and Wendell is a rookie free agent. Both of them stand a chance to make the practice squad, but I'd give the edge to Wendell who's more a developmental guy (6'2", 285 lbs), as opposed to Martin who, at 25 probably is what he is.

Expectations
This unit is fairly young, very experienced, and they've been working with each other for a long time. There's a fair chance they could be the best unit in the league, but if they can even approach what they did last year, they'll be just fine.

Sleepers
In the case of an injury to Light or Kaczur, Ryan O'Callaghan could easily step in and give the Patriots a punishing run-blocker on the left or right side.

Under-The-Radar Contributor
Russ Hochstein will probably grab a start or two in the event of one of the guard or center starters going down, and there won't be much of a drop off at all in terms of level of play or rhythm.

Worrisome Thoughts
Although there is some real depth here, if Neal isn't good to go and if Kaczur goes the way of the dodo, it could start them off on the wrong foot. The injury bug can strike anywhere, and with Brady under center, it's vital to have good protection.

Depth Chart
*Matt Light
*Logan Mankins
*Dan Koppen
*Stephen Neal
*Nick Kaczur
Russ Hochstein
Ryan O'Callaghan
Anthony Clement
Billy Yates
Wesley Britt
Gene Mruczkowski
Oliver Ross
Dan Connolly
Jimmy Martin
Ryan Wendell
Lavdrim Bauta

I'm predicting here that Neal will prove to be healthy, and that Kaczur sticks on the roster (he ended up participating in an FBI sting, and will have his misdemeanor case thrown out if he stays out of trouble for 6 months). After Mruczowski's retirement, the only real suspense here is at the end of the staff. I'm betting that Clement still has what it takes after starting for the past two years with the Jets, and that the Patriots will side with Yates and Britt since they've spent considerable time in the system. There's a good chance that some combination of Connolly, Wendell, or Bauta make the Practice Squad, since line coach Dante Scarnecchia loves to develop his own guys. Oliver Ross stands to be this years recipient of the Bam Childress Award, named after the marginal receiver/special teamer and given to the player who seems to be cut and resigned innumerable times during the season.

Key: Italics = rookie, *asterisk = starter, strikethrough = cut

Bottom Line
Again, this unit has the potential to be phenomenal, and at the worst, they'll be passable.

Grade

A

Final Thoughts

I know it reeks of homerism to be so unfailingly positive about my own team, but I really think I've been fair. I mean, it's not like last years offensive unit was the best in the history of the game or something. Oh, wait...

Expectations
I'm not saying there won't be a fall-off, in fact I'm counting on it. After an outlier like last year, we're bound to regress, at least somewhat, to the mean. Still, that could still leave the New England offense as the best in the game. At the very worst, and I mean catastrophic injury plague, we're still probably top 5 in scoring.

Sleepers
I think it could be Chad Jackson's time to shine. The 3rd year is a critical one for receivers; they've had time to adjust to the speed of the league and the more complex pro-schemes. Jabar Gaffney could surprise too. If Jackson can't seize the starting spot from him, it would be Gaffney's first year as a full-time starting option in the Patriots system.

Under-The-Radar Contributor
Kevin Faulk does so much for this unit. He runs, catches, blocks, and does it all without complaining. You know that when you call his number, you can count on his reliability. He moves the chains in key 3rd-down situations, and acts as an excellent pinch-hitter off the bench when you need a change of pace. His final stats won't make him look like a star, but he's a key component to what the team does.

Worrisome Thoughts
Can the line recover from its pants-down ass whupping at the hands of the Giants? Will Maroney continue his growth into a formidable weapon? Will the Patriots run up the score as often as they can, or only when they're pissed off?

Bottom Line
As long as Brady remains healthy, this unit is one of, if not THE, best in the league. Without him, we might be lucky to aim for average.

Grade
A

Mike Bell and Water (Polo) and a Little Handball

Today's two doses of sports reportage have nothing to do with one another, and I discovered both while performing tasks completely unrelated to each.

It started at The Red Fox, a bar on the west end (frontier) of Fairbanks. As I half watched the ESPYS and kept an eye on the Brewers-Cardinals game (6-3 respectively) I noticed that the NFL piece on ESPN2's ticker had one piece of news: Broncos Waive Mike Bell. That single piece of information stuck on the ticker for about 7 seconds while Justin Timberlake made terrible jokes about Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction. My answer to both is: Who cares?

Could it possibly be that the biggest -- the only -- news in the entirety of the NFL that is ESPN2 ticker worthy is the release of Mike Bell? This isn't 2006, Bell isn't the rookie who rushed for 677 yards on 157 carries (4.3 ave). He hasn't started since then and spent most of 2007 inactive.

Mike Anderson is gone, and Tatum Bell was traded for Dre Bly in 2007. Both were better performers. Why is the release of Mike Bell so newsworthy or surprising, or Important. He rushed for three yards last year, get over it.

Why aren't we more concerned about Cuts Baby's Type 1 Diabetes or the fact that this is John Lynch's last season. Or even what my beloved Scruff Brotha's (Jake Plummer) standings are in Handball.

Way to go ESPN2, thanks for reminding me of better seasons and the mounting problems facing my beloved Broncos. Thanks George Bodenheimer for making me fume throughout my hot wings and punish myself by eating more extra hot sauce than usual, turning my toilet into Dante's Fifth Circle of Hell (the one with raining fire). And thanks Mike Bell for stop cluttering my rosters and ending the constant reminder that your rookie year was followed so dismally.

Later as I watched Entertainment Tonight (not a regular occurence) the USA Water Polo team was on, showering. Yeah, the female host may have been eating it up, but my continuing ire made me lash out in my frustration.

"What in God's name is water polo? There are no horses, no croquet mallets, no croquet balls and NO BLOODY JOCKEYS!"

Thats right, my night now has NO MIKE BELL and NO BLOODY, GODDAMN JOCKEYS.

-Rox

Swept Away

I don't have too much to say after getting swept, but a couple of thoughts ran through my head.

• The story's always the same with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Orange County of California of the United States of America of North America of the Western Hemisphere of the Planet Earth of the Milky Way Galaxy of the Virgo Supercluster of the Universe (or LAAAOCCUSANAWSPEMWGVSU for short). No power to protect Vladimir Guerrero, but a fast, pesky, line-up that grinds out at bats and comes up with timely hits to capitalize on their excellent baserunning. It seems like every year for the past 10 years or so that's been the case, but they get away with it. I mean, when you can say that Vladdy, Tim Salmon, Garrett Anderson, and Troy Glaus have been your teams best offensive players of the past decade, well... They never ever had all of them going at full bore at the same time. Either way, it's been enough.
  

• Meanwhile, while everyone (i.e. Myself) goes on and on over their percieved lack of offensive prowess, they've got one of the best pitching staffs out there. John Lackey is the work-horse Ace, Ervin Santana has continued his maturation, growing into Ace 1A, and Joe Saunders is, uh, Ace 1B. In 50 combined starts they've combined for a 30-10 record with a 3.04 ERA in 343.6 innings of work. Just for you seam heads, that includes a 3.04-to-1 K:BB ratio. Lackey, Santana, and Saunders have posted ERA+'s of 161, 124, and 136 respectively, and have tossed 4 total complete games. If that trio wasn't enough, John Garland is proving to be an excellent free agent pick-up, eating a bunch of innings at a decent clip (4.30 ERA, 98 ERA+), and Jered Weaver, while he hasn't lived up to the hype of his rookie year, has avoid an implosion of Buchholzian proportions.

• Long story short, that isn't a pitching staff I want to see in a 5 OR 7 game playoff series. 3.74 as a starting staff is mildly rediculous, as is the .257 batting-average against.
  

• For a number of years, the one consistent strength the Angels had was their bullpen, but this year it's been slightly-below average. Their ERA is 4.00, and the one true bright spot has been Fransisco Rodriguez, who has 40 saves as of tonight, and is well on pace to break the single-season saves record (Bobby Thigpen holds the record with 57, K-Rod is on pace for 64-ish). Jose Arredondo has been phenominal, but as a rookie with 24.3 innings, he's still a wild-card. Other than that, the supporting cast has been less than spectacular.

• My last note is a sentimental one. Can I get all my homies to pour one out for Vlad Guerreros knees? He's still a semi-fearsome hitter, but he used to be a fantastic defensive player too. I'll still contend that his arm is one of the best in the league, but it doesn't matter so much when he lets everything ball that flies in his direction fall in for a hit. It's probably from going bananas all those years on the old-school turf-on-concrete surface while he played for the late Montreal Expos. His ligaments, cartilege, and other soft tissue must scream everytime he tries to get a jump on the ball. Still, it's sad to see the calcified statue of a man limp around in right field.

As much as I should enjoy this coming trip to Seattle, I can't help but see the Sox dropping 2 of 3 to a horrible Mariners ballclub

-Sox

P.S. I was half-way through watching the ESPYs tonight when I realized I should be live-blogging it. Don't get me wrong, I was enjoying it (especially Justin Timberlake as the host), but I couldn't help but fear it going to extra innings, like my last live-blog did.

The Problem With Clay

Oh Clay, how could it have gone so wrong? Remember last season, those were happier times. Your 4-start audition left Red Sox fans everywhere agog. Three wins, twenty-two strikeouts, and of course, the no-hitter.

Coming into this spring, we dreamt of a legendary starting rotation even after losing a potential Hall of Famer* to injury. Beckett, Matsuzaka, Wakefield, Lester, Buchholz, how could it fail? We even had an ex-Cy Young award winner** and a rookie with a killer sinker*** waiting in the wings, just in.

*Curt Schilling **Bartolo Colon ***Justin Masterson

Four months later, things are going better than we could have imagined.

True, Beckett's ERA is hovering right around 4.00, but he's been very effective, striking out 107 batters while posting an incredible K:BB ratio of 4.46. If he can cut down on his home-runs allowed, 14 so far, he could be even better.

Daisuke Matsuzaka might be the most infuriating pitcher on the Red Sox to watch. We've shelled out over $100 million to get him, and he stinks up the place with 57 walks so far, good for 8th most in the league, and his WHIP sits at 1.381. He's almost impossible to watch; nibbling at the zone when he could just slam the door with his raw stuff, walking guys left and right, getting into painful jams... Wait, what? He's leading the Red Sox in wins with 10, and he only has 1 loss? His ERA is 2.65, and his ERA+ is a rediculous 163? Well, alright, if you say so.

Jon Lesters numbers look simply above-average at first glance, but in reality they could not be more heroic. His 3.38 ERA (128 ERA+), 1.328 WHIP, and 82 strikeouts are solid figures, but for him to be putting them up less than two years after being diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma is downright astonishing. His , and no-hitter in May was a cathartic experience, both for him and Red Sox fans everywhere.

Tim Wakefield is still trucking along after 14 years in a Red Sox uniform. For as unpredictable as his knuckleball his, the man himself is a paragon of consistency. You can count on him for a low-to-mid 4's ERA and 180+ innings, if he's reasonably healthy. Right now he's at 3.60, but his WHIP is uncharacteristically low at 1.177 , and his strike outs are up, 84 in 122.3 innings, putting him on pace for approximately 133 K's in 194 innings on the season. That would be his highest total since 2005. Chances are though, as the summer heats up, so will his ERA, but you can count on him for 12 wins or so.

Which brings us to Clay Buchholz. Across the board, his statistics look terrifying: 2-5 with a 5.88 ERA, (74 ERA+), and an ugly 1.712 WHIP. He's looked hopeless on all fronts. His control has been wild and his demeanor has been shell-shocked. He hasn't gone more than 5 innings in a start since May 2nd, but he's only made 4 starts since then due to a DL stint (torn fingernail) and a stint in the minors to refine his fastball command. All across Red Sox Nation, fans are asking the question, "Is this Clay Buchholz, or Clay Aiken?" Well, slow your horses and allow me to lay out my reasoning for why it's all downhill for our young, troubled prodigy.

A.) He's 23 years old. Three years ago he was pitching for Angelina Community College in Lufkin, Texas. I'll give him a mulligan and tolerate an adjustment period, both athletically and lifestyle-wise.

B.) He's still striking out batters. 51 in 52 innings to be exact. Extrapolated out over the standard 200 innings, that's 196 K's. That's pretty darned good. Despite his apparent control problems, he's not walking THAT many guys (27 so far), which is visible in his respectable 1.88 K:BB ratio. His problem is that he's been giving giving up gobs of hits, 62 total in his 52 innings of work.

C.) He's been really unlucky, in lots of ways. In his 10 starts, he's received an averaged of 4.70 runs of support, but that's a deceiving figure. In four of his starts, the Sox have scored 7 runs or more, going 2-2 in those games, but in the other six games they've scored 3 or less. If we revert those four high scoring games to the average figure, we get a far more telling 3.80 runs per game. He's also had 8 errors behind him, leading to 5 unearned runs. Digging a little deeper, we can look back at that high hit total. There's a little stat called BABIP, or Batting Average on Balls In Play. Basically, the idea is that once the ball is hit, it's pretty much out of the pitchers control whether the ball falls in or is caught and turned into an out. The data supports that hypothesis, with the league average BABIP pretty much always coming in around .300. In this case, Buchholzes BABIP for the season dials in at .372, or 24% higher than the league average. That's kind of a big deal. If we reduce that hits allowed number by 24%, it comes out to approximately 47, which would bring his WHIP down to 1.43. Still not pretty, but it's a large improvement.

D.) Last of all, he has ludicrous "stuff." Clay Buchholz might just have the best physical pitches of any man on the Red Sox roster. His 4-seam fastball normally sits in the low-to-mid 90's, but he can run it up to 97-98 if he needs it. His 2-seamer is a little slower, but features good movement. His slider is the weak point, as it's merely average. His two best pitches are his change and his curve. He throws a straight change, usually from 78-82, with an arm motion that's virtually identical to his fastball. His curve usually ranges from 75-80, and it's a beauty; an absolutely picture-perfect 12-6 hammer curve. On any given day he can either freeze you with a change, or buckle your knees with the curve. When he's on, they're almost unhittable.

Despite all his struggles, every once in a while you'll see what makes Red Sox management sees. You'll see him put that 2-seamer over the inside edge and catch the man at the plate unprepared, or throw a change so filthy that it makes a seasoned veteran look like Ralphie, the kid who your Little League coach gave the required one at bat, then left on the bench to pick his nose. Best of all, you'll see him unleash that dirty, nasty curve and watch the batters knees turn to jelly as he watches the pitch soar right for his head, before diving right onto the outside corner.

If you had to ask me, I think he'll be just fine. My bet's that he pitches alright in the second half, maybe a 3.80-4 ERA, while they keep his innings down, and then he comes back strong next year. The man is 6'3", 190 lbs, he can afford to put some more on to build up his durability, which in turn builds confidence. Whatever you do, don't count Clay out.

-Sox

HT: Sox Prospects for the exacts on his pitch velocities, as well as Baseball Reference and First Inning for the necessary numbers.

Meeting on the Mound: The Good, The Bad and The Uggla

Sox: I never, ever want to write another freaking live-blog ever again. The very least you can do is write the next one.
Rox: Now you know the pain of Matt Sussman, and it's his specialty! Yeah, I'll do the next one when there's a game I'll actually be able to sit the whole way through, being an hour behind even the west coast kills the start of most games when I'm working.
Sox: Well, save it for a special occasion, at least. Maybe later in the season if there's an important game, but that's unlikely with the Rockies being the Rockies and all.
Rox: Well, maybe I'll pull an Okrent sometime soon then, but instead of paralleling the game to baseball history, I'll parallel it to the rise and fall of Dan Uggla.
Sox: So a live-blog of a baseball game, and use it as a Microcosm for Dan Uggla? I like it.
Rox: I'll need to do some research, maybe go to Florida for a while. Get inside Dan Uggla's head. Do you think Sox and Rox Inc. would pay the expenses for the trip?
Sox: I don't think that's quite in the budget, and since when were we incorporated?

WEIO, It's All About the Ears

It's that time of the year. ABC is selling more ad space than the Superbowl, men and women are donning their favorite parkas and the nation is bracing itself for yet another World Eskimo-Indian Olympics.

Well, maybe not, but Fairbanks, Alaska, is abuzz with natives from across the country as they convene for perhaps some of the strangest athletic displays yet conceived. Events include the Four Man Carry, The Indian Stick Pull, The Eskimo Stick Pull, The High Kick and many others.

My personal favorite is the Ear Pull event. Competitors sit across from one another and a loop of twine is wrapped around each of their right ears. The whistle blows and both contestants pull their heads back, last contestant with an ear wins! If only Mike Tyson had been a native.





Another great event is the Knuckle Hop. A contestant lays prone and then must advance himself around a course only using his knuckles and toes to propel himself forward.




Check your local listings for times.

-Rox

Americans - 4 Nationals - 3

God Bless that giant wad of gum in Clint Hurdle's cheek, God Bless Matt Holliday, God Bless Aaron Cook, God Bless Nate McLouth and God Bless Miguel Tejada.

May Dan Uggla, Adrian Gonzales and Brad Lidge rot in the second half of the season. I don't even think the Marlins want their man back home, and it's better not to try to transfer anywhere in the NL. Not even his old buddy Meyer Wolfsheim will be able to save his ass now.

Check out Sox's live blog below for more on the longest ASG in history.

-Rox

Sox live-blogs the All-Star Game, hilarity ensues

We here at Sox and Rox strive to bring you the best sports insight and analysis possible. By that, I mean we like to make poop jokes and laugh at the unfortunate things that happen to people.

Along those lines, I (Sox) have decided to document this historic event. The All-Star Game, already a carnival of pomp and circumstance, is taking place in the doomed Yankees Stadium. I'm here to bring you all the action, or at least whatever action I find interesting.

Pregame

-Tuned in at 7:58 so as to avoid the Fox Broadcasting crew as much as possible.

-Bob Sheppard is doing the player introductions over the stadium P.A. Somebody got something right there. Sheppard is one of the all time great characters of the game.

-And I stand corrected, according to Fox announcer Joe Buck, Sheppard isn't feeling well so they're just piping Buck through to the whole stadium. Poor New York fans.

-Alfonso Soriano gets a huge cheer from the New York crowd, whereas David Wright gets booed lustily. I guess Soriano's biggest contribution to the Yankees would have to be getting traded for Alex Rodriguez.

-All of the Red Sox just smile and take the auditory assault from the crowd. Far be it from me to read to much into anything, but from Jason Varitek's smile, it looks like he loved it.

-Even the Rays are getting booed. Scott Kazmir and Evan Longoria recieved a hearty Bronx cheer. I dunno if the New York crowd was worn out, but Rays catcher Dioneer Navarro failed to get the same rise out of the crowd as the Rays ace and star rookie.

-Of course, Marino Rivera's name brings the stadium to it's feet. He doffs his cap to the crowd, and I can only hope the crowd doesn't pull the same shenanigans it does during regular games; chanting the starters names till they acknowledge the "Bleacher Creatures."

-They've dragged a bunch of Hall Of Fame pitchers onto the field to welcome the starting pitchers. Carlton, Eckersley, Feller, Fingers, Gibson, Jenkins, Marichal, Niekro, Palmer, Perry, Roberts, Gossage, and Ford.

-Cepeda, Killebrew, Murray, Perez, and McCovey are out there to welcome Berkman and Youkilis at First.

-Carew, Mazeroski, and Sandberg are out at Second waiting for Chase Utley and Dustin Pedroia.

-Robinson (Brooks), Schmidt, Brett, and Boggs are out there at Third for Chipper Jones and A-Rod. Not surprisingly, Fox flashes a graphic with Boggs' team as the Red Sox, but he wears his Yankees cap. Freaking glory hound.

-Aparicio, Smith, Yount, Banks, and Ripken Jr. await shortstops Hanley Ramirez and Saint Steely-Eyes McFirstPump Derek Jeter, who brings the house down by waving his cap to the crowd.

-What's the deal with DHes, every position gets like 3 or 4 players, and they only get Paul Molitor. Albert Pujols and Milton Bradley totally got short-changed.

-Brock, Williams (Billy), and Kiner are in left for Manny and Ryan Braun.

-We've got three positions left, and this has been going on for 21 minutes.

-Are you kidding me, I know Willy Mayes is great, but are there are NO other centerfields to throw out there too? Josh Hamilton and Kosuke Fukudome must feel slightly cheated that DHes and Centerfields are both in that sad 1-Hall-of-Fame-representative category.

-Gywnn, Kaline, Robinson (Frank), Winfield, Aaron, and Jackson (Reggie). Matt Holliday and Ichiro have probably been pacing in the dougout for a half-hour at this point waiting to take the field. Fox shows what looks like Kevin Garnett in a throwback Braves jersey going nuts for Hank Aaron.

-Earl Weaver, Tommy Lasorda, Lee McPhail and Dick Williams are there at home plate to bring in the managers, Clint Hurdle of the Rockies and Terry Francona, who gets verbally crucified on the way to the plate.

-Why Managers/Execs before Catchers? And why no HoF catchers there to welcome Geovany Soto and Joe Mauer?

-My bad, they named the players before the Hall of Famers, Joe Carter and Yogi Berra, who I believe will be up in the booth at some point during the game. I can't wait.

-Cheryl Crow does the National Anthem. Not great. She doesn't really have the range for it, and she doesn't go bombastic all, just remaining laid back the entire time.

-George Steinbrenner gets carted in on a Bullpen Car to deliver the baseballs to the umpire. I think he's crying, but I can't be sure. For all the hatred towards the guy, all I can say is this: he played the game to the fullest extent of the rules, and always did his best to win games. The same cannot be said of many of the penny-pinching, absentee owners in the game today.

-The Yankees HoFers get the first-pitch privileges: Yogi, Reggie, Whitey, and Goose throw it out to Jeter, Girardi, Rodriguez, and Rivera. I don't care who you root for and how manufactured this moment is, it still gives me shivers

Top of the 1st

-Buck and McCarver are comparing the two squads. I have to say, the NL's offense this year is just ridiculous, but the AL's pitching could be equally so. The AL has 4 bonafide elite closers in Nathan, K-Rod, Papelbon, and Rivera.

-Cliff Lee takes the mound for the AL. Anyone else remember when Steve Philips called him the best pitcher in the game a few years back? Yeah, at that point he wasn't even the best left-hander at that point (Johan Santana as). Now? Well, it's arguable, but Philips may well be vindicated, 3 or 4 years later.

-Lee strikes out Hanley Ramirez on a nice cut fastball, while Chase Utley comes up to bat the the sweet strains of Led Zepplin's "Immigrant Song."

-Buck and McCarver talk about Utleys compact swing. It really does look like he's swinging with his upper arms at his sides. He strikes out looking on what looks like another filthy cutter.

-If Lance Berkman played in New York or Boston, he'd probably be held to Jeterian levels, but alas, he plays in the Media wasteland known as Houston. Lee induces a fly-out to Hamilton in center.

Bottom of the 1st

-That Lou Piniella Vitamin Water ad cracks me up every time. SAY HELLO TO THE MISSUS FOR ME.

-Ichiro flies on out the second pitch, bring the Ice-Water veined, puppy-saving, home-for-ophan-finding Sir Derek hits an sharp grounder to the right of 2nd. It promply bounces off the face of the diving Chase Utley , and he reaches base.

-Josh Hamilton strikes out, bringing Alex Rodriguez to bat with two outs and a fellow Yankee on-base. Somewhere in there, Jeter stole second.

-He pops up into the cavernous Yankee Stadium foul ground. Soto, the NL catcher chases it all the way to the AL on-deck circle, where he catches it, but slips to his knees. Manny Ramirez, the hitter on-deck hitter, skitters out of the way before offering the fallen Cub a helping hand up.

Top of the 2nd

-Fox is letting the commercial breaks run right up to the action; only cutting back the game right as the first pitch of the inning is thrown.

-Buck and McCarver verbally fellate Albert Pujols, calling him the best hitter in the game, which is both highly debate-able and unlikely. I'm actually kind of surprised, normally they reserve that for Jeter. Pujols bounces out to A-Rod at 3rd.

-Looking at some stats, my off-hand remark holds true, but not by much. OPS, OPS+, and Adjusted Batting Runs all have Pujols in 3rd, behind Chipper Jones and Lance Berkman, and he's 5th in Runs Created.

-Chipper Jones singles up the middle on the first pitch, and is moved up to 2nd when Holliday dribbles a ground-out to Youkilis at 1st.

-Cliff Lee stikes Ryan Braun out on high cheese. After seeing his 2 innings of 1-hit ball, color me impressed.

Bottom of the 2nd

-Ben Sheets makes Manny look silly on what looks like a splitter, but Buck fails to identify clearly what it is. He subsequently walks Milton Bradley, who steals second while Youkilis grinds out an at-bat.

-Bradley only has 4 steals on the season so it strikes me as odd that'd he'd be running, but hey, he's crazy, so all power to him.

-Youkilis misses on a high curve, leaving Joe Mauer up with a runner in scoring position.

-Mauer walks, and Sheets has thrown 39 pitches in 1.6 innings, probably more work than he really wanted.

-Dustin Pedroia has been on a tear for the last month or so, but he flies out center, probably 20 feet shy of the warning track. After watching him all last year, I'm convinced he and Kevin Youkilis run on opposite cycles. Youk is always hot early in the season, and ice-cold late, whereas Pedroia has shown us two straight slow starts, followed by incredible summers. Maybe it has something to do with the chillier weather in Boston compared to the weather in Arizona, where he played his college ball at ASU.

-Useful advice: if you ever need to make fun of someone who goes/went to ASU, use this. "I go to A-S-U, but I take it in the A-S-S," or some varient thereof.

-Another funny note, ASU and U of A hate each other. UoA calls ASU, "Gay-S-U," whereas ASU calls U of A, "U of Gay."

-I remain convinced that everyone in Arizona is a flaming douchebag.

Top of the 3rd

-Joe Saunders of the Angels takes over for Lee, and gets Kosuke Fukudome to ground out to Kevin Youkilis.

-I wish I was a Cubs fan, just so I could yell "FU-KU-DO-ME" at full volume.

-Berra is up and the booth, and starts off sounding groggy, but quickly gets up to speed. He still sounds tired, but that could be because Buck and McCarver keep cutting him off with their inane points.

-All the while, Soto flies out to center, Hanley Ramirez singles to right, and Chase Utley ends the inning with yet another dribbler to Youkilis.

-I don't mind the announcers ignoring the game since it's only an exhibition, but for the love of all that is creme-filled and deep-fried, you have Yogi Berra in the booth, stop bombarding him with questions. Just let the guy talk. Whatever he says will be gold, and not just because he gets tongue-twisted sometimes; he's an incredibly intelligent human being, and he's seen a lot of Yankees history.

-To close the inning out, they play the footage of Berra leaping into Don Larsens arms after the last out of Larsens perfect World Series game.

Bottom of the Third

-Carlos Zambrano comes into the game for the NL, and promptly gives up a single to Ichiro.

-Captain Clutch (Jeter) swings at the first pitch and grounds into a double play, followed by another groundout from every media-members favorite feel-good story, Josh Hamilton.

-These innings are going by really quickly. Is it because we have the games best pitchers on the mound, or do the hitters just want to get off the field and into the post-parties? Maybe a little bit of both.

Top of the 4th

-Buck informs the viewers that this is the first time in the steroid era (1995-present) that the All-Star game has been scoreless through the first 3 innings. This is the problem with stocking these teams. Come on guys, I wanna see some excitement.

-The new AL pitcher, Roy Halladay, strikes out Lance Berkman before Albert Pujols sends a high fly into the right-field corner. It lands just fair along the line, and takes a high bounce. Amazingly, Ichiro manages to corral the ball and throws a strike to second where Jeter tags out the sliding Pujols. Is Ichiro angling for a job in New York? Lord knows he must regret signing that extension with the hemorrhaging Mariners.

-Chipper Jones grounds out, 6-3 to close out what feels like a 3 minute inning.

Bottom of the 4th

-A-Rod stikes out swinging on a heater right through the zone. When Zambrano has his emotions in check, I'll take him over any starter in the game.

-Zambrano sends a curveball WAY over Manny's head, but it seems like an honest mistake and they both laugh it off. That said, if it had been on purpose, it wouldn't surprise me. Carlos Zambrano IS batshit insane, after all.

-McCarver takes exception to a graphic that breaks down a batters average on balls in different parts of the stike-zone. He claims that the graphic, which says Manny is batting .167 on balls down-and-in, is mistaken. Far be it from me to make unqualified statements, but I'm gonna go with Stats, Inc. or whoever did that graphic, because they probably put a lot more time into it than McCarver did his cursory dismissal.

-Manny, meanwhile, grounds out on a ball down and in.

-Milton Bradley reaches on a Hanley Ramirez error, but gets picked off of second during Youkilis' at bat, ending the inning. I'll repeat it: 4 steals on the season to this point. What is he thinking?

Top of the 5th

-Grady Sizemore comes into centerfield, replacing left-fielder Manny Ramirez, with Hamilton moving over to left. Ervin Santana replaces Roy Halladay on the mound.

-Aaaaand gives up a monster home-run to one of Rox' butt buddies, Matt Holliday. Holliday had a tough 8 pitch at bat, and goes the other way to crush one into the upper deck in right field. 1-0, NL.

-Santana bounces back quickly, getting Ryan Braun to ground out to second, making Kosuke Fukudome look downright silly on a low slider, and striking out Geovany Soto on three straight sliders away.

-In between the Fukudome and Soto at bats, Francona replaces A-Rod with Joe Crede. I think he was angling for A-Rod to get a standing ovation, but the New York crowd is non-plussed.

Bottom of the 5th

-Dan Haren gets the call for the NL, and gets Youkilis to fly out on the second pitch.

-Joe Mauer shoots up between the pitchers mound and first, and Haren takes a stab at it, butchering the play. I know Mauer's no Bengie Molina, but he's still a catcher. The second baseman would've made the play.

-Ian Kinsler pinch-runs for Mauer and steal second, while Haren walks Pedroia on 4 straight balls.

-With men on first and second, Haren strikes Ichiro out on 4 fastballs: away, in, away for a ball, and over the middle.

-Now it's Our Lord And Savior Jeter Christ up with 2 outs, and two men on.

-With the count at 1-2 on Jeter, Haren spots a perfect pitch on the outside edge of the strike zone, which is of course, called a ball. Shouldn't Soto and Haren know that Derek Jeter is physically incapable of taking a called third strike at Yankee Stadium during what amounts to a week-long lovefest for The House That Ruth Built?

-Where is your God now, New York? Jeter bounces out weekly to Haren.

Top of the 6th

-Justin Duchscherer comes in for the 6th. In my opinion should make the team every year just so I get to hear big-network announcers say his name.

-There are some wholesale changes in the defense, with a lot of maneuvering for the sake of the batting line-up, so I'll just sum it all up: Ichiro, Youkilis, and Pedroia out and J.D. Drew, Justin Morneau, and Jason Varitek are in. Kinsler, who pinch ran for Mauer last inning replaces Pedroia at second while Varitek gets behind the plate.

-I have to agree with McCarver here, he throws the worst pitch of the game to Hanley Ramirez. A hanging curve so fat it must have looked like a balloon. On the replay, Ramirez' eyes got so huge I'm convinced Reche Caldwell could do no better. Duchscherer is lucky that Ramirez only got a single out of it.

-Utley drops one into right, which Drew fields well, but with Ramirez running it's now 1st and 3rd with no outs.

-Berkman gets a bead on a juicy fastball and sends it out the warning track in the deepest part of the park, good enough for a sac-fly. 2-0 NL.

-Texas shortstop Michael Young comes in for Jeter. Not only is he miles better offensively, but he's a superior offensive player too, and has been for years. Why isn't he revered like the guy he replaced? I'd reckon it has a lot to do with playing in Texas, and not new York.

-Pujols singles up the middle, and I think Duchscherer is showing why he'd been a reliever for a while, leading up to this year.

-He gets the league leader in batting, Chipper Jones to hack at a high fastball, and then gets Matt Holliday, who homered in his last at-bat, to pop out to short right-center.

Bottom of the 6th

-Oh man, there are some wholesale changes in the NL line-up. Han-Ram, Utley, Berkman, Jones, and Holliday come out, Miguel Tejada, Dan Uggla, Adrian Gonzalez, Aramis Ramirez, and Corey Hart go in, respectively.

-Well, at least the NL did it all neat and tidy, swapping out players strictly positionally.

-Hamilton singles to lead off the inning. What's amazing to me about the guy, from a baseball sense, is that he essentially missed 3 years, comes back, plays a couple of games in Single-A ball, and then jumps to the majors where he's been incredible ever since. How does a postion player do that? What scary is, that all indicates he could be getting... better.

-Joe Crede pops out, and with Grady Sizemore batting, Hamilton steals second.

-WOW. Sizemore gets rung up on a called third strike down, but right down the middle. Haren is something else.

-All it takes is one pitch to get Milton Bradley to pop out to center.

Top of the 7th

-Francona finally turns to the AL's crazy stable of closers, bring the Twins' Joe Nathan in. In other news, Chicago White Sox Carlos Quentin comes in for Hamilton in left.

-I'm surprised to see Quentin playing as well as he as. After one decent year and one bad year, both in part-time play in the comparatively weaker NL, he comes over to the AL and blows up the league at age 26. Good for the White Sox though, they need SOMETHING to go their way.

-Nathan gets three quick outs, striking out Braun on threee pitches and getting the Pirates' Nate McLouth and the Dodgers Russell Martin to fly out.

-Josh Groban is singing God Bless America during the seventh inning stretch. Two things: A.) Didn't the Josh Groban ship sail a while ago. Unless he has a new album coming out soon, what's the thinking behind this, and B.) isn't Ronan Tynan kind of a Yankee Stadium institution? With the glorification of all things Yankee, why isn't he singing?

Bottom of the 7th

-Oh, apparently Groban released a live album this year. Whatever. It's probably just a Christian artist to please Rupert Murdoch.

-Reds rookie phenom Edinson Volquez comes in for Haren, and Buck and McCarver onto an interesting tangent. Apparently, thanks to the success of Pedro Martinez, the most recent generation of pitchers coming out of the Carribean Islands feature a lot more high quality change-ups, largely because it's easier on your arm, which was key for the 5-10 Martinez, who still managed to throw 98.

-Ryan Ludwick comes into left field for Ryan Braun, for the three of you who care (Ludwick and his mom).

-Morneau drives the ball into the gap in right center, and the ball gets behind Corey Hart.

-After that double, Ian Kinsler of the Rangers is up. He leads the league in hits, and the AL in average. He grounds out to short, but it moves Morneau up to third.

-Rays catcher Dioner Navarro strikes out on a fastball middle in. Stupid sucky Tampa Bay. That was right in your wheelhouse. No wonder you're due for an epic second-half collapse.

-In his first ever All-Star at-bat, J.D. Drew gets ahold of a fastball that slides over the middle and sends a line drive over the wall in right for a two-run homer. 2-2, all.

-Drew's swing is so pretty. I just can't help it. I know it's why people have been falling in love with him for more than 2 decades, but I can't resist. It's too perfect.

-As my guy-love for J.D. "Don't call me Nancy" Drew grows, Michael Young strikes out to end the inning.

Top of the 8th

-Papelbon is in for Nathan. and Miguel Tejada promptly bloops one to right.

-That's the furthest I've ever seen a ball go, and still called it a blooper.

-The New York media apparently flipped out because Papelbon jokingly said that he should be closing out the game, over Mariano Rivera. Mind you, in the same interview he called Mo the "Godfather of all relievers."

-With the crowd chanting "MA-RI-A-NO" and "O-VER-RA-TED," Papelbon pumps up the heat and positively blows Dan Uggla away.

-Ugh, stupid sucky Tampa Bay. With Padres first-baseman Adrian Gonzalez batting, Tejada attempts to steal second, and catcher Dioner Navarro throws the ball into left field. Tejada scoots to third, and Gonzo obliges by drives him in on a sac-fly. 3-2, NL.

-David Wright, pinch-hitting for Albert Pujols strikes out on a ridiculous change-up, but the New York crowd still gets to let Papelbon have it.

Bottom of the 8th

-Giants closer Brian Wilson comes in for Volquez, and gets Quentin to fly out to center, and Francona brings in Carlos Guillen of the Tigers for Joe Crede.

-Buck says that Francona was hoping to save Carlos Guillen in case the game went into extra innings, because he can play pretty much every position. He may leave his pitchers in way too long, but Francona is still a top notch manager.

-It might be a bit late, but if I was going to Berman-ize Miguel Tejada's name, it would be Miguel "Tejada I hit it, tefurder it goes." Sound it out, it's funny.

-Brian "Wouldn't it be nice?" Wilson strikes Guillen out, and for some reason Fox rolls the Lou Gehrig "luckiest man alive" speech. I'm not complaing, it's a tragic, but inspiring and heartfelt moment, but couldn't they come up with a better way to frame it?

-Clint Hurdle comes to the mound, and brings in Mets lefty closer Billy Wagner in for Wilson to face lefty Grady Sizemore.

-I've been writing for 3 hours and 17 minutes at this point, and somehow, Fox still hasn't driven me insane yet.

-AS I WRITE THAT, Fox cuts back to Wagner's first pitch in midflight, with no transition. Come on guys, get your act together.

-Sizemore hits a hard ground-ball single to right, and Francona pinch hits Rays rookie 3rd baseman Evan Longoria for Milton Bradley.

-Sizemore steals second, and it immediately pays dividends as Longoria hits a ball to left that bounces up into the seats for a ground rule double. 3-3, all.

-Morneau grounds out to Wagner to set the AL up for a dramatic bottom of the 9th.

-Interesting note, this robs Rivera of the chance to close it all out. If the AL takes the lead at any point, they win. The best they could do is try to get him the win.

Top of the 9th

-Francona brings in Francisco Rodriguez for the ninth. The Yankees fans must be twitching, afraid that they won't get to see their precious Rivera.

-Cubs third baseman Aramis Ramirez takes a leadoff walk, and is replaced by token National Christian Guzman on the basepaths.

-After getting Corey Hart to fly out to right, Francona comes to the mound, bringing in Mariano Rivera.

-Of all the current Yankees, I probably have the most respect for Mo. He's, in my mind, the greatest closer to have ever lived. He throws one pitch, and throws it right. He single-handedly popularized the cutter, and on top of it all, he's a great human being.

-So, with a man on first and one out, Rivera goes to work against Ryan Ludwick. Ludwick is a 30 year old guy who bounced around Texas, Cleveland, and the minors, struggling with injuries till he got a chance to play almost full-time last year with St. Louis. He did alright, but he's been a revelation this year.

-This is bonkers. Rivera and Varitek combine for a picture perfect strike-em-out, throw-em-out double play. I never imagined that pairing before. The game goes into the bottom of the 9th with a chance for Rivera to pick up the win.

Bottom of the 9th

-Depending how they win this, I bet they give Mo the MVP. If Longoria is involved, he'd probably win it, due to his driving in the tying run as well, but there's not a lot of other options. If Drew's involved in the winning run, he could grab it, but the entire starting pitching staff on both sides deserves the award, today.

-Ryan Dempster starts the inning off for the NL, with Ian Kinsler batting.

-Dempster just makes Kinsler look foolish. He threw a tight breaking ball low, and Kinsler went for it, but tried to check his swing about 3 seconds too late.

-Dioner Navarro, official AL goat of the game, strikes out, bringing up J.D. Drew.

-Seriously, I have that "Big Papi feeling." The feeling Red Sox fans used to have whenever David Ortiz was up in any sort of "clutch" situation.

-Dempster pitches around Drew for a bit, getting to 3-1, before sneaking a change-up over the middle to bring the count full.

-Drew promptly strikes out. Guess that feeling was indigestion

-To be honest, it wasn't that same feeling. It's been so long since I felt it, but if it had been the real thing I wouldn't have been able to type. I would have been too transfixed.

Top of the 10th

-During the ad-break, I'm guessing Francona keeps Rivera in to give him a chance at the win.

-He does, and Fox flashes a graphic showing that in the 10 extra-inning All-Star games, the NL has a 9-0-1 record, the tie coming when Bud Selig called the game in '02, due to both sides running out of players.

-Nate McLouth works the count full on Mo, before taking a cutter right down the middle for a strikeout after an 8 pitch at bat. Then, Russell Martin works an 8-pitch at-bat into a single to right.

-Miguel Tejada sends a hard grounder up the middle that takes a bad bounce on Michael Young.

-Clint Hurdle apparently had a hit-and-run on, so Martin ends up on third.

-Just when you forget who he is, Mariano Rivera reminds you. Dan Uggla hits into a close 4-6-3 double play, and the game goes to the bottom of the 10th, with a Yankee eligible for the win.

Bottom of the 10th

-Going on 4 hours of writing, and I'm still feeling strong, although I'm sure I've gotten dreadfully repetitive at this point.

-Rockies starter Aaron Cook comes in for Ryan Dempster. If I recall, he throws a pretty good sinker.

-The NL goat of the game has emerged. Fresh off that rally-killing double play, Dan Uggla lets an easy two-hopper bounce of his glove, allowing Michael Young to reach.

-Man alive, he's a monster! Uggla goes for the gold and does his best Bill Buckner impression, and lets an easy grounder from Carlos Quentin go under his glove, and through the 5-hole. Two men on, no outs.

-Uggla's defensive meltdown is fast approaching Kwame Brown-like levels.

-After a coaching visit to the mound, Hurdle has Cook intentionally walk Carlos Guillen to load the bases.

-I know Hurdle saw Troy Tulowitski pull off an unasisted triple-play, but he shouldn't bank on it here.

-I kid, I kid, I know all about setting up the force.

-Grady Sizemore hits a bouncer to Uggla at second, allowing the NL to get the force-out at home. 1 out, bases still loaded.

-Wow, Cook really has that sinker working, he gets Evan Longoria to ground to third baseman Christian Guzman, who gets yet another out at home.

-That could be the play of the game there. Tejada goes way to his right, and in one motion, dives for the ball, and throws it to first in one fluid motion, all while his body was a 45 degree angle. The NL just out of a bases-loaded, no outs jam. This is their game to win.

Top of the 11th

-Rox just called me to talk about Tejada's last play. Apparently he's been reading Deadspins live-blog of the game. Freaking traitor.

-Royals closer Joakim Soria comes in and almost before I can recognize him, Adrian Gonzalez shoots a single into center.

-Soria comes back and and strikes out David Wright on a fastball that he just misses, his body looking like it would corkscrew itself into the ground.

-Soria gets Guzman and Hart to fly out without much effort to send the game to the bottom of the eleventh.

-Throughout the inning,Buck and McCarver go on a rant about how badly the Ray don't want Francona to use their ace, Scott Kazmir in the game. No sooner do they finish siding with the Rays then they start bitching about how the teams are running out of pitchers and how Bud Seling will probably call the game a tie.

Bottom of the 11th

-With Cook still pitching, Ian Kinsler singles to center to lead off the inning, and shitty player of baseball Dioner Navarro steps to the plate.

-After taking a ball on an attempted bunt, and fouling off the next pitch, Ian Kinsler takes a ludicrous lead off of 1st, and the next pitch is of course, a pitch-out.

-At first it looks like Kinsler is out, but he ran to the back of the bag, and and replay shows that it looks like the ump got fooled by a phantom tag. A tough call to be sure, but it was wrong none the less.

-Big stupid Dioner Navarro works a walk, and J.D. Drew follows it up with a single to center, bringing up Michael Young with men on first and second and one out.

-During Drew's at-bat, Fox shows Arizona ace Brandon Webb getting his equipment together and heading to the bullpen. Buck says he was in the same position as Kazmir, on the active roster but under a do-not-use adviosry.

-Michael Young drives a single up the middle, and Nate McLouth comes up firing, and gets Dioner Navarro at home plate.

-I really think Dioner Navarro just doesn't want the AL to get home-field advantage for the World Series. I mean, if I played in the Tropicana Dome, I'd do whatever I could to avoid the place too, but this is taking it too far.

-Carlos Quentin grounds out to third uneventfully, and the game goes to the twelfth.

Top of the 12th

-Joakim Soria is back on, and he walks Ryan Ludwick on 5 pitches to get things started.

-Buck mentions it, and it's true. This game was FLYING until about the 6th inning, and now it's going on 4 hours.

-Nate McLouth is playing like a man possessed. He lays down a perfect bunt, and manages to beat it out when Morneau can't get it to Kinsler fast enough.

-Russell Martin lays down a bad bunt, but as it goes foul, Morneau grabs it and goes to first for the out. I don't know if he knew it was going foul, or if it was all instinct, but it's second and third with one out.

-Francona has Soria walk Tejada to load the bases, bringing Dan Uggla up to the plate.

-Soria gets Uggla swinging on a wicked 67 mph curveball, and Francona goes to the bullpen with two outs for the Orioles lefty closer, George Sherill, with lefty Adrian Gonzalez at the plate.

-Sherill puts Gonzalez down on a fastball low and away. I know Sherill got his start as a LOOGY, and it's nice to see he can still buckle down on a killer lefty.

Bottom of the 12th

-And just as Fox cuts back to the game, Guillen drives one to deep, deep left, that bounces off of those stupid plastic walls. He cruises into second with a lead-off double.

-Cook is STILL out there, and obviously taking one for the team (division?). He's a durable guy anyway.

-Grady Sizemore grounds the ball to Dan Uggla who juggles it around before just getting the runner at first. Guillen moves to second.

-Seriously, did anyone alse see Kwame Browns on court meltdown just before the Pau Gasol trad? That what it feels like with Uggla.

-Evan Longoria grounds one to third, and Guzman fires home to catcher Russell Martin as Guillen charges home... but it's a foul ball, barely.

-Then, he swings and misses for the second out.

-They intentionally walk Justin Morneau to bring up the AL hits leader Ian Kinsler, who is 1-3 today.

-That makes no sense to me, Morneau was 1-3 as well, so maybe they were going for the force at second but I see two errors with that. A.) They gave him second on defensive indifference anyway, and B.) Dan Uggla is out there somewhere, lurking, waiting.

-Kinsler grounds out weakly, 5-3, taking us to lucky inning thirteen.

Top of the 13th

-Sherill is still on, and looks like he's throwing serious gas, but David Wright gets on on a freak broken-bat flyball to right-center.

-Christian Guzman grounds into a fielders choice and gets Wright, who is a good runner, at second.

-After Sherill, Kazmir is the last guy left for the AL. Problem is, Kazmir is Francona's division rival who just threw 104 pitches in a game on Sunday. After all the polite disagreements with the
Rays this year, how do you think they'll feel if we pitch their fragile ace into the ground in an exhibition game?

-Although Corey Hart struck out, he made a new fan in me by having the intro to Purple Haze as his at-bat music. I've always said that it would strike fear into the heart of a pitcher. I figure it didn't work because George Sherill, like Jimi Hendrix, is left-handed.

-Back-up feel-good story Ryan Ludwick pops out to second, and I've got to risk Foxes quick cut-backs and take a bathroom break. I've been sipping an Arizona Iced Tea for hours now, and I need to sleep on this couch, so I'd rather keep it clean.

Bottom of the 13th

-I'm one minute away from the 5 hour mark. This hurts.

-Cubs set-up man Carlos Marmol gets the superlatively despised Dioner Navarro to bounce out to Dan Uggla, who somehow makes the grounder look slightly simpler than rocket surgery.

-Yes, I know I just mixed together "rocket science" and "brain surgery." Forgive me, it's been 5,947 words.

-Uggla botches another groundout to second, allowing J.D. Drew to reach base and sending Rox into a homidal rage of profanity towards Dan Ugglas heritage and sexual habits.

-Michael Young strikes out, and with Drew running on the pitch, Russell Martin barely misses throwing J.D. out at second.

-Carlos Marmol breaks off a nasty curveball, and Carlos Quentin foul tips it into Martins glove for the third out of the inning, stranding the winning run on second. Quentin then breaks off an F-Bomb so loud that the Fox cameras, which have been other free of on-field chatter, picks it up.

Top of the 14th

-Sherill stays on. Fox says Kazmir will be on a very strict pitch count, so Sherill must be sucking it up and getting his team (divison?) as far as he can.

-Nate McLouth and Russell Martin both send scary deep flies to J.D. Drew in right field, and George Sherill has just pitched his longest outing of the season, in a semi-meaningful exhibition. Well, it means nothing for his team, since I'll score with Elisha Cuthbert, Kiera Knightly, and Beyonce Knowles before the Orioles win a pennent.

-Miguel Tejada ground out to his counterpart, Michael Young, at short, and this game is going into the bottom of the fourteenth.

Bottom of the 14th

-After the second 7th inning stretch, Diamondbacks ace Brandon Webb is on for the NL.

-Webb's best pitch is a sinker. Somewhere, Dan Uggla smiles.

-Joe Buck reminds us that the longest All-Star game was in 1967. Tony Perez hit a homer off of Rollie Fingers to give the NL a 2-1 win in the 15th. Scarily enough, both those guys where here today, or at least there were 5 hours ago.

-The Fox cameras pan across NL/Phillies closer, Brad Lidge who Buck aptly and hilariously christens "Mr. Lonely."

-Oh yeah, in the time it took me to type all that, Webb gets Guillen to line out to short, and strikes out Grady Sizemore and Evan Longoria. The guy hasn't won 13 games by being a total stiff.

Top of the 15th

-I had to put my bathroom break off for two innings, but I got it in.

-Kazmir strikes out Uggla, who's a cosmic punchline at this point, on 4 straight fastballs.

-Buck pays tribute to Francona's integrity, reiterating how Terry won't overextend Kazmir in an exhibition.

-Kazmir works the lefty-on-lefty matchup and gets Adrian Gonzalez to fly out to left fielder Carlos Quentin, but follows in up with a 4-pitch walk to David Wright.

-Guzman shoots a hard grounder to first, and we got to the bottom of the fifteenth.

Bottom of the 15th

-This is now officially the longest game in All-Star history. Congratulations, assholes.

-NL manager Clint Hurdle finally bites and brings on Mr. Lonely, Phillies closer Brad Lidge, who gives up a lead-off single to Justin Morneau.

-And he gives up what could easily be another single to Ian Kinsler, but Ryan Ludwick comes on strong to rob the Texas second baseman.

-Fox catches Kevin Youkilis downing a Red Bull in the dugout. Why is he so tired, he was taken out of the game 9 innings ago?

-Universal dickwad Dioner Navarro finally does something right and singles to right, bringing up J.D. Drew with men on first and second with 1 out.

-Drew gets on base for the 4th time tonight by taking a ball in the dirt with a full count, giving Michael Young a chance with the bases loaded and one out.

-AND HE FLIES TO RIGHT ON THE FIRST PITCH!!! JUSTIN MORNEAU LUMBERS HOME, JUST BEATING THE THROW, AND THIS HELLISH GAME IS OVER. THE AMERICAN LEAGUE WINS, 4-3.

Postgame

-Wow, Terry Francona, the AL, and MLB as a whole, dodge the bullet of having to call the game when Kazmir's pitchcount was up.

-At this point, I don't have much to say. What else is there? If it hasn't come up over the course of almost 6 hours, almost a quarter of a day, is it really that important.

-They hand the MVP to J.D. Drew. Blah, blah, blah, missives on handing the Ted Williams Award to a sweet swinging slugger on the Red Sox.

-I'd been sitting at his computer for exactly 5 hours and 40 minutes when the game ended. My entire live-blog came out to be words long 6,734 words long.

And that's all there is. I'm out. I might be back soon, but after this, don't be surprised if I take some time off.

-Sox